Heys guys,

I’ve been thinking about just what scenarios seem to help establish the best quality friendships. Now, most of us know the beginners tips that I’ve discussed before. The first one is focus on what the other person is saying and take your conversational cues from them instead of focusing on what you need to say. If you don’t do this, you will only appear nervous.

The second basics tip, which again I’ve covered before, is to show an interest in what the other person talks about. Now sometimes this can be hard and because of this I always recommend imagining that the topic the person is talking about is the most fascinating in the world. If you keep telling yourself this during a conversation you will eventually convince yourself, at least partially and your body language should improve – increasing their warmth to you.

Now, unlike 99% of the self improvement people out there I am going to advise that you try and (as kindly as you can) move on from those people that others avoid (unless they reall seem worth it), those that cling too long and those that don’t seem to be able to read social signals and body language.

You may even see yourself as one of these people, but the truth is – if you keep hanging around with people who view themselves as having low social worth, your own image is defiantely going to change. I don’t care what you might think here, what I am telling you is true – if you spend most of your time in your comfort zone with people on a similar level of social sophistication you will only regress.

So – to summarize so far, focus on those things that the other person is saying to reduce your own nervousness. Then take that beginning and capitalize on it by really drilling down into a persons interest (I will cover this in another post at more depth, but for now just take it as – ask open questions that allow an answer). Then identify those that are using you as a social life raft, and those that are grumpy and unfriendly and quickly move on.

You should now be left with people who are slightly outside of your comfort zone, for whatever reason. Now is the time to prove yourself and even the slightest success here will leave you brimming with confidence for days after.

There are a variety of techniques that you can use to improve relations in these early stages of getting to know someone. I feel that the two most potent ones are to circulate – in other words never out stay your welcome and move (geographically) around the meeting space.

By circulating you are attempting to leave any social interaction on a high point.  Many people make the mistake of trying to extend a great social situation indefinately but the risk here is that you are just increasing the chance of poising the good will you have gained or simply boring the other person. The issue could be as simple as their partner is neglected or they need to go so say hello to someone. If you over extend a conversation you are much more likley to leave it on a bad note. Bad note equals much less chance for future interaction.

The second tip is to take your current victim (!) on a bit a wonder, don’t stay in one place – you wall fall pray to vultures who either want to take your companion, feel they are drowning socially or are just out to cause trouble. Secondly, by moving people around, from lets say the buffet to the cocktail fountain and then to the noticeboard you are creating memories that will group together but be seperate – whereas staying in one place will increase the likeleyhood of the conversation being a long blur, with only the middle and the end really memorable.

I can’t stress that last point enough !

I hope these tips are useful, if you impliment them well they are far more likley to have success than what you are doing now – at least they have been for me, maybe you are a social superstar already !